mad weekend (part I)

Last week, I promised Mirabel to go Thumbs Up! after confirming that the new studio was very slack. Wah... it seem such a major decision I've made, being the first youth community service that I'm doing since starting in JC. So while I should be doing the pavilion design with Huiyu, I went to Kent Ridge Sec at 8am on a Saturday morning to join the people in orange.

Becoming part of the TU! team for a day, it reminded me of the FCBC mass I went with Vivi couple of months ago. Enthu people who are loud and funny, and in addition, child-like. (I refused to use the term 'childish' as what I meant here is a compliment.) Suddenly, I was reminded of Joanna, the Zoi councilor from RE whom I talked to last year. The passion she had when she was telling me about the TU! mission, programs and volunteers. And the enthusiasm she showed to get us into the RVP. Now, I thought I finally understood her positive attitude. And the long friendship that the Archi seniors are having, which amazed me.

While watching the Sec 1 kids doing the profiling, I did one too, myself. And got the analysis that I'm a "S". Needing stability and security, hating major changes. 4 years ago, I used to be a "C". Forgot what it stands for, but it meant individuals who are rigid and accurate in things that they do. Getting that result then, I was quite depressed. I just refused to accept myself being a conformist.

Somehow I changed. Through the years of JC, working and university. I'm getting lost. Or am I starting to find my true self? Which is the real me? I find it neccesary to be certain of my dreams now. It used to think that I'm obligated to know a definite answer when someone ask a question like

What do you want to be after graduation?

It was such an obvious answer in the past.

I don't know.

Exactly what the 'MacDonald boy' in my TU! class answered. Which made me feel pessimistic about his future.

Now I discovered that the answer to that question, is not important to anybody, but myself.