Fear

I’m having this ‘fear of death’ recently. Not the failing-exams kind of death. Reading many newspapers nowadays – people dying from road accidents, 爆毙-that-kind. And I’m having this weird headache that comes every morning for 2 weeks. Some sort of a alarm timer in my brain that tries to hit a nail through my skull. Everyday, exactly the same spot behind my left eye. Pounding and pounding with my heart-beat. The doctor said it’s ‘normal’ and gave me Panadol.

My fear is not without basis. My mum had a stroke when I was 8. The experience was terrible; and I could still remember it. She teared non-stop and her face was distorted. When we visited her in the hospital, she has no control of her facial muscles. Now she always says that she’s not afraid of death, there is no point in resisting death. It was the painful road that you need to go through before it that is frightening her. The notion of whether the pain today will finally end her life makes everyday valuable.

2 of the symptoms have come up in me.

• Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body
• Sudden, severe headache with no known cause

Am I thinking too much?